Lil' C turned One Last Month...E I E I O :)

I am so embarrassed by the fact that I have yet to mention the fact that my sweet Lil' C turned ONE last month.  The eve before her birthday I was singing to her at bedtime and I burst into tears.  Where had the year gone?  How could my little baby girl actually be a walking, babbling toddler???  Not knowing if she is the last child for us or not got me very emotional.  I hugged her tightly and sobbed into her little downy head.

We celebrated her birthday with a big family party down on the "farm".  Our home was transformed into a farm, complete with a stuffed petting zoo!  Real petting zoos cost too much and smell so I constructed a stuffed one out of an octogon baby gate, my friends Fur Real Horse Butterscotch (it is the size of a real pony, moves and makes noise) and a bunch of other farm stuffed animals that we borrowed or already had.  It was so much fun for the kids and Lil' C and Z LOVED it!!!

My mom created this wonderful veggie platter....isn't it amazing??  The base is gingerbread and then she made a garden complete with shredded wheat hay bales, gummy worms and a paper scarecrow :)  For a menu we made "fence post french" toast sticks", "chicken little" nuggets with dipping sauces, "chicken feed" (candy corn), "stick in the mud" mini muffins, "farm house" flatbreads and "cowboy chili with kiddie coral corn bread".  For games we had pin the hat on the turkey, a paper pumpkin scavenger hunt and I printed a farm for each child to color with paper farm animals to color for their farm :)  We even had an adult game of farm trivia questions :)  For favors, I had farm animal beanie babies that I got at AC Moore with gigham ribbon tied around their necks.  The party was a lot of fun for me to put together (Z helped once again), I pulled off a lot within a very strict budget and I think everyone had a really good time.

Lil' C did great with all of the attention (she is my little social butterfly) and Z enjoyed opening her gifts for her.  Two big birthday parties for Z and C back to back was a lot for me to organize but I so enjoy planning children's birthday parties.  Z is already planning out is 5 year old party and I have to admit that ideas are already going through my head about Lil C's 2nd birthday :)

A New Day

On this gloomy Monday morning, I have decided to hit the pause button and reflect upon the chaotic morning that just occurred.  S was busy and distracted trying to get out the door for work, Z was up an hour early, extremely whiny and chatty and unable to go to school because of the chance of rain (he can't get his cast wet and thus is not allowed to go if it might be damp...silly school!!!) and Lil C (who has been getting up almost 2 hours earlier than normal) would not stop crying....this was all too much for this sleep deprived momma!  It was not one of my finer mornings.....this I can admit.

Now that it is over and C is down for her nap and Z is taking a 30 minute TV break....I can catch my breath and start anew.  I know that my children and husband feed off of my mood and energy (as I do theirs) and it is important to go into the rest of the day with an upbeat and positive attitude.  It would be easy to fall into the sadness that so badly wants to consume me....my aunt passed away a week ago and the fact that she is gone is just starting to sink in.  The holidays are coming and I am trying so hard to stay upbeat for Z's sake but my heart is just not in it.  We have decided to "skip" Christmas on S's side of the family....it is just too painful with the loss of his sister....but Z and Lil' C need to have a holiday just like every other.  They need S and I too put aside our feelings of sadness and enjoy the countdown to Thanksgiving and then Christmas (oh and Z getting his cast off which is in ONE week!!!). 

So it is now that I will make the choice to pick my head up, forget the crazy morning that just occured and move ahead and celebrate all of the wonderful in my life.  I am healthy, blessed with two little cherubs to love, have a very helpful and supportive husband and a loving family who are always there when I need them.  Who could ask for anything more??

I hope that this is the last gloomy post for awhile.....Unfortunately all of the light stuff has been landing on my Facebook Page (yes I signed back up) and this has been an outlet for my true feelings.  I promise to share the lighter stuff very soon!!

Happy Monday!

These are my sister in-laws beautiful Dahlia's

You can't help but smile (cry with happy tears) over this video :)

Remembering the Important things this Holiday

I love the fall (I know I have said this a million times)....I love everything about it; the crisp weather, the food, the wardrobe, catching leaves with my kids, time at the lake, the holidays....EVERYTHING.  My favorite part about fall is prepping for Christmas.  I am an early bird (always have been) and I like everything to be done for Christmas by Thanksgiving day.  I like my cards to be addressed and written, my gifts all bought, the wrapping paper ready and the decor out of the attic.  I do not like to shop during December (it stresses me out) and I would rather enjoy the season instead of stressing out like everyone else does.  I still do find the holidays to be a bit crazy no matter how much prep I do but at least the bulk of the stuff is done before the turkey is served.

This year there has been a big hole in my heart as I go through my usual preparations.  An important part of the holidays is missing and that is my sister in-law Kiki.  She was a fellow Christmas Elf and right about now we would be exchanging emails about the holiday hullabalo.  We would discuss the plan for gift giving, the accommodations, food etc.  After our emails she would send out an email to the entire family letting them know what was going to happen for Christmakah (did I mention we celebrate with our Jewish friends???) 

A few weeks ago I tried to dig out those old emails (I have everything she has sent me since 2005) but I couldn't see the screen through my tears.  I miss her so much and am really struggling to plan this holiday without her.  S and I have talked a lot about the holidays and  want to make them special for our children but our main focus is on family...not gifts.  We are blessed with so much and we want to focus on love and togetherness rather than useless presents and debt.  I have chopped our holiday budget in half and we have agreed to not exchange presents on S's side of the family but hope to hole up together and reflect upon the crazy year and just be together.  There is that thought in the back of my head that we are not honoring Kiki by not having a big, traditional holiday celebration.  I just think that it will be too much for all of us and that it is important to get back to basics and scale back at least for this year.  I miss you Kiki......

Praying Tonight

When I think of you Tante, your bright smile and cackle laugh immediately come into my head.  You have the most amazing sense of humor and are such a beautiful person both inside and out.  I so love and appreciate your honesty and bluntness.  You are not afraid to let us know if you no longer want to chat on the phone ("I have nothing left to say to you"), if we are not looking our best ("that hairstyle does not suit your face") or if we are doing something you do not approve of  :)  However you are so good about calling to check in, you are the first to tell us how beautiful we are and always let us know when we make you proud.   I know your life has not always been easy and you have had your share of hardships but through it all you have remained one of the most loving and giving people I know.

Tante, I am so proud to be your grand niece and want you to know that you have always been more like a grandmother to me than an aunt.  LB, K and I have been so blessed to have you as a third grandmother in our lives and love you so very much.  Thanks for all of the memories.....the card games, staying with us for the week mom and dad were away when we were kids, the numerous family dinners and holidays, the crazy party you took me to when I was little, serving us the disgusting powdered milk and peanut butter out of a tub at the Far Pastures House, all of our chats and of course all of the memories at the lake.  Thank you so much  for bringing the lake into our lives.  Your absence has been felt the past few years at the lake and we promise to honor you there for the rest of our days. 

I know that if you leave this world, Uncle Howie will be waiting for you with open arms.  It has been a long time since you have been with him and I am sure it will be wonderful to be reunited.  Noni, Pops and so many others are also there waitiing.....and I know it is selfish to want to keep you here for our sakes but we are just not ready to say good-bye.  I know we are very far away right now but please know that we are with you always and praying so hard for you right now.  I love you my beautiful Tante-O!

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A Special Night of Voting

S got home a little before 7 tonight so that I could go and vote.  I was super tired but I had promised Z that I would take him so we bundled up and headed to the polls.  Z has been so into the election this year.  Since the first signs appeared over the summer he has been full of questions.  I have spent the last few months explaining the election process and he has soaked in every word.  He heavily campaigned for his favorite candidates and would shout their name every time he saw one of their signs :)  His favorite candidate was O, who was running for state representative, and if you asked him why he liked him so much he would tell you because he had a fun name to say and cool orange signs :)

As we drove into the high school parking lot, a feeling of electricity came over me.  The place was all lit up and a buzz with activity.  There were voters, campaigners, tables with information about the different town organizations....it was exciting.  I carried Z through the line of signs and his favorite candidate O was there and said "Hello" to him.  When I later told him who had said hello, you would have thought Buddy from the Dinosaur Train had said hello to Z, he was so thrilled!   I put him down in the lobby and he hobbled with me (yes he has a fractured tibia...more on that later) to the voting table.  He told the people our last name and they handed him the ballot.  We walked into the booth and we immediately voted for his guy O.  He then tried to convince me to vote for the rest of his ticket but unfortunately we don't always agree politically :)  It was then off to the ballot machine where he slid our ballot in.

"Did O win mommy?  Will he run our state now?" he asked.  I told him that we would have to wait until the morning to find out.  On the way out I let him touch one of O's signs :)  He asked if he could take one home and I explained that he might need them if he ever ran for office again.  Then Z told me that he was going to make signs so that he could run our state.  I suggested he start with campaigning for best son of the house :)

The whole way home we talked about the election and about how all the votes now needed to be counted.  I then told him that the signs would soon go away.  This idea may thrill many but Z was devestated.  I told him that in the spring, more signs would pop up again and then in two years we would have a really big election for president.  This seemed to cheer him up a bit.

I LOVE voting....it is one of my favorite things to do.  It always makes me feel proud to be an American and happy to have a say (however small).  Tonight was by far the most special voting night I have ever had,  Thanks Z for making such a wonderful memory for me.

A Halloween Poem

The pumpkin is carved, the costumes are ready

but something is not quite right this Halloween night.

Our trick or treaters (one cow and one planet hero)

to look at them is quite the sight!

Our little moo cow is not feeling well

and has green snots oozing out of her nose.

Our Shiver from Pluto is moving quite slow

for he is in a cast from his knee to his toe.

"Oh what to do?" say mom and dad

We do not want either to miss out on the fun

Dad will take Shiver around in the wagon

While mom will play at home with the wee little one.

Happy Halloween!!

An Out of This World Birthday

Z is now four....hard to believe!  This past weekend he had 2 of his 3 birthday parties (yes I know, I know).  His first birthday was a friend party at a local bounce house.  There were four inflatable bounce houses (including a giant one with a slide), 18 children over age one, 7 babies, a bunch of parents, my babysitter and my dad :)  It was pure chaos and Z loved every minute of it. 

We had a space theme (Planet Heroes to be specific) and made all of the decorations by hand.  Z helped with every aspect of his party.  He helped plan it, desgin the decorations, make and fill the goody bags, bake the cookies (he hates cake) and deocorate the cupcakes.  It was a bit frustrating at times having to move so slowly with my junior party planner but in the end I would not have wanted it any other way.  Because he was so involved in the planning and creating of the party, he began to realize how much work it all was.  At one point he looked at me while we were printing off some decorations and he said, "Thank you Mommy".  That alone made everything I was doing worth it!

Z's second party was with S's family.  This party was a breakfast space party (his favorite meal) and came complete with a donut cake!!!!  It was lot's of fun and he was given his bike at this party (although the planet hero he received from his grandparents trumped the bike....oh well).  It was a wonderful weekend and very soon he will have his third celebration with my family and all of his lake friends.  We can't wait.

Growing Up

Lil' C is in the beginning stages of walking and so I have been desperately trying to capture it on film.  I have wonderful footage of Z taking his first steps and every time I go to film Lil' C she either falls and starts crawling or Z gets in front of the camera and tries to steal the show :)  Last night I decided to show Z his movie in hopes that he would be more understanding when it comes to filming Lil' C during this major milestone. 

While we watched the video, I began to tear up.  Z asked what was wrong and I tried to explain to him that I was a little sad because my babies were growing up.  Z will be four at the end of this month and C is one month away from turning one!!!  This fact has had me emotional for a few weeks now but seeing the video of Z as a baby.....it was just too much for me. 

Z came and patted my back and said,

"It's okay Mommy but you can't change us back.  We are suppose to grow up." 

Hearing these wise words come out of my almost four year old made me cry even harder.  It is true, they are suppose to grow up and I can't make them babies again....I just wish that we could press the pause button for awhile and truly enjoy the present.

Change

 

It has been over 2 months since I have visited this blog or anyone's blog.  As a matter of fact, I had no intentions of visiting it tonight but one wrong click and my blog appeared and it was as if an old friend (or friends) were begging me to stay for just a little while.  So here I am....for now.

This summer has been all about change for us.  The biggest change was the absence of Scott's sister.  How do we fill the empty hole at the dinner table or the bigger hole in our hearts?  They say that time heals all wounds but for those of us who are late to the grieving table, it only seems to be getting worse.  We know that grieving is a process and that this first year of "firsts" will be difficult.  S's parents desperately want to find away to help Kiki's memory live on.  We have brainstormed hundreds of different options but we truly struggle to find the best way to honor her life and the amazing person that she was. 

Another huge change for us was S's job.  S's company was sold and he was offered a very good job with the new company down south in GA.  We spent many hours discussing the pros and cons of the move.  We love New England and most of our family and friends are within 2 hours of us.  It was hard to imagine living so far away (even if it was in a gigantic, beautiful house) and feeling so alone.  Some thought we were crazy to turn down such a job but S is very excited to be starting his own company (I know, crazy times to be starting business) and so that is what we are doing.  We decided we would rather live in a cardboard box and be surrounded by family than live in a 5,000 square foot home with a nanny and a butler (okay I am exaggerating just a bit) all alone. 

Another change (a good change) was that I finally figured out why I was feeling so sick all spring/summer.  It turns out that the thyroid is a pretty remarkable little gland for being so small and when it is under attack it doesn't function the way it should.  Many of the symptoms are similar to postpartum symptoms (infact my issues started off as postpartum hypothyroidism) and that is why it was difficult to pinpoint.  I am now on medication (for life) and my energy is slowly returning :)


I guess that is enough for now.  I do miss my blog friends and hope that when things get back into a routine around here that I will be able to stop by and visit.  I have decided that facebook and blogging had been taking up too much of my family time and so I have deleted my facebook page (not that it is ever really gone) and will not be blogging as frequently as I use to.  I do want to keep this outlet for myself though and love to have it as a sort of journal for my children.  I also know that my mom, mother in-law, a few friends and some aunts love to read it too so I plan to keep it going for them as well :)

 

Lil' C is almost 11 months!!!      Here she is crawling up to her new cousin J

Summer Goals and Adventures

I am a little late sharing our summer adventure list this year but I figure better late than never.  Z and I made the list about a month ago and it is hanging in our kitchen.  Every time we complete an adventure or an activity, we put a star sticker next to it.  Some activities have a bunch of stars next to them already (we have been to the beach 3 times this year so far).

This is our 6th year of making these lists (S and I use to do them before kids).  We always find that summer so quickly and before you know it, the leaves are changing colors. These lists have helped us to make sure that we make the most out of our short New England summers.

This year we are concentrating on making special memories with extended family.  Family is so important and after all we have been through in the last few months, we like to be with our family as much as we can!  Z (and Lil' C) have enjoyed the adventures so far and I have also had a theme for each week for Z.  This week's theme is DINOSAURS and so every day there is an activity or trip that relates to the theme.  Last week was SPACE WEEK and the week before was RED WHITE and BLUE week (in honor of the 4th).  I will share more about our themes later :)

So here is our Summer Adventure list for 2010 :)

Theme Weeks for Z
(Z has requested most of these themes)

1. Red White and Blue week
2. Space Week
3. Dinosaur Week
4. Volcano Week
5. Bridges and Tunnels Week
6. Ocean Week
8. Water and Bubble Week
9. Lake Week (boats, wildlife)
10. Kitchen Science Week
11. "Play Ball" Week or Music Week

Family Adventures (Z and I made this list together)

1.  trip to a baseball game **
2.  camp in the backyard
3.  campfires with marshmallows ***

4.  picnic on the beach ****

5.  get Del's lemonade ****
6.  eat clamcakes and chowdah **
7.  lobster dinner in Maine *
8.  mini golfing **
9.  trip to the driving range
10. tie die shirts
11.  trip to the planetarium *
12.  have fun on the jetski ***************
13.  build a sandcastle **************
14.  visit our CSA weekly *******
15.  pick blueberries **
16.  make lots of popsicles *****************
17.  water fun in the backyard ***
18.  work in our garden ***********
19.  trip to the splash park *
20.  spend time at the lake (a month!!!!)**************
21.  go to the zoo *
22.  beach combing *
23.  summer reading program at the library *
24.  Storyland (we went to santa's village instead :)) *
25.  look for fireflies *
26.  go stargazing **
27.  go swimming at auntie's lake **
28.  go bowling (a lot) ***
29.  trip to get gingerbread men at the YUM YUM shop
30.  go to the local science museum

And as always we will be playing the summer license plate game! I have been playing this since I was a small child. It is really easy....from Memorial Day-Labor Day you try to find as many license plates from the 50 states as you can....one year I had 47 (including Hawaii!)  We already have 20 :)

Once again I highly recommend putting together your own Summer Adventure list. We find that our list helps us to make the most out of our summer and helps us to create so many wonderful summer memories!