Remembering the Important things this Holiday

I love the fall (I know I have said this a million times)....I love everything about it; the crisp weather, the food, the wardrobe, catching leaves with my kids, time at the lake, the holidays....EVERYTHING.  My favorite part about fall is prepping for Christmas.  I am an early bird (always have been) and I like everything to be done for Christmas by Thanksgiving day.  I like my cards to be addressed and written, my gifts all bought, the wrapping paper ready and the decor out of the attic.  I do not like to shop during December (it stresses me out) and I would rather enjoy the season instead of stressing out like everyone else does.  I still do find the holidays to be a bit crazy no matter how much prep I do but at least the bulk of the stuff is done before the turkey is served.

This year there has been a big hole in my heart as I go through my usual preparations.  An important part of the holidays is missing and that is my sister in-law Kiki.  She was a fellow Christmas Elf and right about now we would be exchanging emails about the holiday hullabalo.  We would discuss the plan for gift giving, the accommodations, food etc.  After our emails she would send out an email to the entire family letting them know what was going to happen for Christmakah (did I mention we celebrate with our Jewish friends???) 

A few weeks ago I tried to dig out those old emails (I have everything she has sent me since 2005) but I couldn't see the screen through my tears.  I miss her so much and am really struggling to plan this holiday without her.  S and I have talked a lot about the holidays and  want to make them special for our children but our main focus is on family...not gifts.  We are blessed with so much and we want to focus on love and togetherness rather than useless presents and debt.  I have chopped our holiday budget in half and we have agreed to not exchange presents on S's side of the family but hope to hole up together and reflect upon the crazy year and just be together.  There is that thought in the back of my head that we are not honoring Kiki by not having a big, traditional holiday celebration.  I just think that it will be too much for all of us and that it is important to get back to basics and scale back at least for this year.  I miss you Kiki......