Okay, true panic has finally sunk in :) Z and I were looking at the October calendar the other day and he asked when the baby was coming. I drew a picture of the baby on the 24th and told him that the baby will be here in about 3 weeks. THREE WEEKS (give or take a few days)!!! I started to sweat, I started to smile, I started to feel the baby stretch it's little limbs inside of me and knew how much I would miss being pregnant......THREE WEEKS :) Now I know I am ready to be a mother of two and I am sooooo ready to hold my little baby, rock it to sleep and introduce he or she to the world (a world of people wearing masks during this scary flu season). I am not sleeping now so I am ready in that arena too.....so what am I not ready for??? LABOR.
I am not going to lie to you, it was not so pretty last time. It was one of the best and worst days of my life so far. I didn't get my epidural until I was 9 cm (I only got it because my sister worked there and she rushed back to the hospital at 4AM to make sure that I got it) and he didn't give me a big dose because I was so far along. Why was I 9 cm you ask??? You see I was forgotten in my room to labor alone (S was in and out of sleep) all night because the hospital was understaffed and they thought I was peacefully sleeping with the two doses of morphine they gave me (in reality the morphine had the opposite effect and I was super AWAKE)! I kept sending S out for help and different nurses would come in and make promises to me (hot tubs, hot compresses etc.) but they would leave my room and all would be forgotten. Even when Z was finally in my arms, I was in so much pain (epidural was long gone and Z had torn me up so badly that I had to endure 150 internal stitches down in the OR), that I didn't get to really enjoy snuggling with my new baby until hours later. It was not fun.
Let's face it, I am a big wimp (and modest to boot). I know the pain won't last long and that it will be so worth it but I am still not ready for it (is anyone ever ready for it??)! I can't wait to find out if the baby is a boy or a girl, introduce the baby to Z and start our journey as a family of 4......I just wish the stork would drop the baby at the door all clean and snuggly :) Or maybe we could go back to the days of my grandmother and I could be knocked out for the procedure and wake up to a clean and happy baby??? Oh well.....I guess I just need to suck it up and be as strong as I can be :) It will all be worth it.
12.12.17 ~ home & hearth
1 day ago