Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Z's Imaginary Friend

We welcomed a new friend to our home this past week, Franklin, Z's imaginary turtle friend.  S and I have been doing some reading about imaginary friends and apparently it is normal and good for a child's imaginative development.  This being said, they often appear when a child is stressed, feeling lonely and needs a sense of comfort :(  This last part breaks my heart!

I have to be honest, the last week and a half has been very challenging.  We went from smooth sailing with baby C for about a week to some rougher weather this last week and a half.  C has been not sleeping well (day or night), burping wet burps, gets the hiccups 8-10 times a day, always sounds congested, wants to nurse constantly, has these moments where she gags and stops breathing for a minute, cries all the time and wants to be held constantly......it has been really challenging.  At the doctor's yesterday, she was diagnosed with Silent Reflux but she is too young for medication at this point.  We are in the process of trying all of the natural remedies to try to help her pain and discomfort (most of them we had already tried before our visit to the doctor).

Z is extremely sensitive to the sound of babies crying and he went from being intrigued by and tolerating his new baby sister to now avoiding her all together.  Z refuses to be in the same room with Lil' C :(  He often retreats upstairs to his room for a much needed break from the noise.  While I appreciate that he has this wonderful strategy of removing himself from situations that cause him stress, it breaks my heart that I never see the boy anymore.  He is sooooo afraid of C, afraid that at any moment she will start to cry.  He is often on the verge of tears himself....it is painful to see. 

C takes a few short naps during the day and it is then that I try to dress, feed and spend as much quality time with Z that I can.  Potty training is out the window (the poor guy is not independent and had way too many accidents while I was nursing...he is now in pull-ups), I am a mess (lucky if I get a shower in and I am averaging 4-5 hours of interrupted sleep a day) and my house is trashed....who has time to clean? I am either nursing, consoling or trying to spend time with Z.  S tries so hard to keep up with the dishes and my mom the laundry but it is impossible when Z and C both need so much attention. 

So given all of this stress on my sweet Z and the fact that he spends so much time playing alone (which he does soooo well, I am so lucky!), he has turned to his new pal Franklin to keep him company.  I am so sad for him, I so wish there was more I could do to meet his needs while still meeting the needs of my new baby girl.  My family and friends have been very helpful when they can but it is impossible to have someone here everyday....I need to get use to doing this on my own. 

Someone told me that while figuring out my new role as a mother of two, it is important to strive to meet the emotional needs of the older child and the physical needs of the baby.  This seems impossible right now...the only thing I am able to do is meet the physical needs of both children (and that isn't even being done well).  I am truly in survival mode.  I know everyone says that it will get easier....I just wish I could appreciate this time a little more.  C is so little and cute (7 LBS 1 oz) and when she is not crying enjoys taking in the world around her.....I love her big beautiful eyes.  And Z is so much fun right now!  He is so curious and his imagination has taken off.  It is so much fun to listen to him play, I just wish I could join him a little more often.  I keep reminding myself it is Quality vs. Quantity...right??

Sorry if this post didn't make much sense.  It was typed one-handed and took a few feedings to complete :) 


Mommy Lisa said...

Perfect Sense. You just had a little cutie and everything is harder until you get your rythm back.

And lady you gots mad one-handed typing skillz!

I am Lee-Ann... said...

Aww hugs Mama. I remember those days all too well when I brought my second home. I'm not sure if it is an option but maybe a preschool program for Z part time. It was the best thing I did for my 1st born but it took me 3 months to figure it out. She thrived and was so much happier. I did the same thing when I brough my 3rd home with my 2nd but did it right away and it worked out well again. Just a couple of mornings a week and it made a world of difference. Hang in there!

MamaB said...

It made perfect sense to me! And I know exactly were you are coming from! Hang in there, take a moment to take a deep breath and do what you can! You are doing the best that you can right now and with time you will be able to do more, don't beat yourself up to much! Your in my thoughts!

Beth P. said...

All I can say is that I hope it gets better! I am happy to hear Z knows how to do what he needs to do for himself. Hopefully once reflux issues are resolved with C your little man Z will be able to get to know her more. Hang in there!

MommyBrain said...

First you get a big virtual hug ... and then I need a moment to freak out myself ... you've just given me a very real glimpse into my life in the near future. Ugh! It must be so, so hard! How in the heck am I going to manage all of that?! One day at a time ... just like you :)

Nicolasa said...

oh I am sorry you're having a rough time. I am glad that Z has Franklin to turn to right now. The only thing you can do is your best each day.

Joy said...

my son is 6 months. I just joined to mommy to 2 club, and I totally get how you feel. It's so hard at first, adding a 2nd child. It will get better! Keep your chin up.

Poolside with the Girls said...

My daughters both had reflux. Oldest was diagnosed at 2months. As soon as we put her on the meds she was better. She started sleeping so much that I was tempted to wake her to see if she was ok.

How long did they tell you you have to wait?

Reflux is no fun, but it's controlable. By they time they can sit up it usually gets better.

I could never feed them and just put them back in the crib though. They would barf all over so we stayed up alot of nights rocking until they digested.

My oldest had an imaginary friend and she was so convincing about it that her PreK teacher thought we had another child at home that she hadn't met yet. His name was Aubray and she used to tell people he lived on the "sird floor" (third floor) of our house.

Sarah Brown said...

You did just fine!!!!!! Love that Franklin is there to provide some extra loving while your hands are full=)

Connie Weiss said...

This is the hardest time....but it gets easier.

Hang in there!

kitkat said...

Oh man--I'm sending you a hug with this comment! Now that my little c is 2, I have such fond, fuzzy memories of those first months--but your post cleared the cobwebs a little too much...I remember, it was so brutal! I often get teary these days, thinking about rocking with chloe in the middle of the night, when it was quiet and she was all mine...but what I'm forgetting is feeling so exhausted I was nauseous and my neck had a knot the size of a golf ball--and that was a good night! The good news is...though it may seem so far away now, before you know it all you'll remember is the magical moments. I'll keep a good thought for the medicine working out--once she gets on track it will feel better for everyone--and she will soon!

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