I am sure I am not alone when I say that money is the one topic in my life right now that makes my stomach turn to knots. Before I stayed home with Z , S and I were very fortunate in that we didn't have too many worries about money. Now that we are missing my salary, have added another mouth to feed and I have all this free time on my hands....it is another story!
I also find myself suffering from a lot of guilt lately (as I am sure a lot of SAHM's do). When I think of S out there working so hard everyday and I get this once and a lifetime opportunity to stay home with Z, I feel really bad. It has really done a number on my ego and self-esteem. S is so supportive and constantly says he wouldn't want me anywhere else. Even if we have to cut back for a bit....he wants me to have the chance to be home with Z. My friend C and my sister L were really supportive in helping me to realize how valuable I am to this household. They reminded me of the cost of daycare, a housekeeper and a personal assistant :) I know I am all of these things but no one pays me for my services so sometimes it is very hard to feel like I am pulling my weight.
Tomorrow begins my budget of $42 of spending money per month! To some this may seem like a lot and others probably spend more than this in a day. This $42 is my money for ice coffees, clothes, eating out, haircuts, my amazon addiction, going out for MOMs night outs, anything I want to do or buy for Z....everything! This will be interesting :)
Well I know that I have very little to complain about in life. I am so lucky to have all that I have, that my family is healthy and happy and that I have the chance to be with my son everyday. It is because of all this that I have decided to look at my new budget as a challenge :) My goal is to go out there into the world and find as many free activities and fun things to do as I can (and yes I will share them). I will try to find anything to do to distract us from trips to the store. I also plan to delete my credit card information from all of my favorite websites who so kindly save it for me so that spending money becomes mindless :) Sorry Amazon, Old Navy and Snapfish.....but one of your good customers will be taking a break :)
I want to apologize to S for being so stressed out lately. This is a small bump in the road and I know we can do anything we put our minds too :) I am proud of your business venture and thank you so much for letting me have this opportunity to stay home with Z. I know our lives would be a little easier if I went back to work, so thanks for helping to make my dreams come true.
I also want to apologize to all of my friends and family. I know that I have been complaining a lot about money lately and I am sorry. The new me plans to take it all in stride and save up my pennies so that I can go out for the occasional dinner or drink with you. I know that some of you are in similar situations so I plan to organize some fun free events for us all to partake in ;) Look out world....here I come!